*Sidenote #49 time to lose control

mid Lent reflections

Mar 31, 2025

You may have noticed my absence from your inbox these last few months. Maybe not. Either way, thanks for sticking around!

Since January, we have been going through a hard season as a family. We are making it through, everyone is healthy, and we have seen God's provision and faithfulness. That is about all I can say for now.

During these last few months, I have had little to no extra brain space to create or write. As the calendar days approached Lent, I knew I wanted to participate in the 40 days by releasing something I might hold onto more than I should and spending more time with God.

During Lent, I routinely take time off devices or social media. This year, our church did a digital detox in January. As for me, I dragged it out into February and slowly got back on to socials in the first weeks of March.

Being off socials helped me focus on the care my family needed and have genuine rest. I went to bed at better times and read more. I deleted TikTok and will not keep up with the new-to-me platform in my work life. Facebook will never be downloaded onto my phone again; it is relegated to my desktop only. Instagram and Substack were allowed back on my phone. They are the platforms I missed the most, the people and stories I follow, and how I share, create, and connect.

I consider it a blessing and a delight to have taken time at the beginning of the year to step away from social media. I am grateful that it helped me see how much I missed spending my time in long periods of creativity. It gave me the courage to continue cutting my time on devices.

When Lent rolled around, I had no "normal" thing to give up. That may sound funny, as we shouldn't have normal things to give up. The idea of Lent (in my Protestant practice) is to walk with Jesus to the day of the cross, to understand the hardship and the burden he carried for us—all that we have done to break shalom with him, ourselves, and others, along with the pain of what others have done to us.

So, how would I take what I learned in January and February and make it active for my Lent practice?

I prayed and was slightly afraid of the answer. For lent, I gave up trying to create within tight time constraints. I am giving up being tight of my time so I spend time in the things that bring me joy, peace, and communion with God—especially when my world feels on fire.

I have spent a few full days and some half days creating. It has felt nearly impossible at times. Frankly, I did not want to say no to some things, but I know it is necessary. I am going to keep setting the time aside.

On the first day I was trying this, I reached out to some friends to pray for me as I created, just like I would when I was editing chapters for my book. I tried something new that day. I started it off poorly. I had to go to the store to get different materials. I moved forward in peace and made the things. I typically underestimate how much time art will take me. I am grateful I took the whole day. I used heavyweight spackling for my texture. It was fun watching it dry. It made me slow down and wait.

Sometimes I get impatient.

I rush the drying time. Then the project is ruined or sets me back a few steps. When I did not finish this project, I gave myself grace and knew to set another day aside.

We're halfway through Lent. I have nothing else to say other than I feel encouraged, excited, and nervous about what will come out of this creative time.