*Sidenote #30 a marvelous people-pleaser
I caught myself being serious. Again. So, here I am reminding myself to enjoy the work. I worked on a painting project the other day and rewatched The Marvels.
While many critics and audience scores imply it is not a good movie, I beg to differ, not because it should be an Academy Award-winning movie, but for its leading lady cast and ability to be playful and focus on friendship. For someone, like myself, who loves action, sci-fi, and superhero movies and has pre-teen girls who love the same, it’s a win. Not only that it has some great themes for us recovering people-pleasers.
The Marvels is about Carol Danvers getting her powers entangled with those of Kamala Khan and Monica Rambeau, forcing them to work together to save the universe (summary from imdb.com). We met Carol in her own movie, Captain Marvel (2019). Kamala had her own show, Ms. Marvel (2022). And we met Monica on the show, WandaVision (2021). (I don't think you have to watch all of these to enjoy the movie, but if you'd like to know their origin stories, now you know where to find them.)
The people-pleaser in this story is Carol, Captain Marvel. She is the savior of all things, and when something goes wrong, she takes it deeply personally. In fact, we learn that she has not returned to Earth for decades because she is worried about what some people will think of her because of a bad choice. She wears this mask of savior so tightly that when the situation begins to crumble, so does she. Luckily, she had learned that some peer support was important in a previous adventure and had a leader friend she could call, Valkyrie (we know her from several Thor movies). Valkyrie shows up to help with a situation and says something that kicks off Carol's journey as a recovering people-pleaser.
"You can stand tall without standing alone."
Carol has to learn to work on a team. She does not get to do whatever she wants. Her team, however, is strained and complicated. Monica is Carol's best friend’s daughter, who’s all grown up and was gone for 5 years during the blip and Kamala is the biggest fan girl of Captain Marvel that ever was. Carol has to work with one who is mad at her and one who thinks the world of her. A nightmare for people-pleasers. While she would like to disappear and fix it on her own, she chooses to stay.
As they move through their adventure, they learn a rather hilarious secret about Carol, so you’ll have to go watch. This scene reveals how many different masks/personas Carol fills to help people.
Things continue to go south after a confrontation with the bad gal (yup, even the villain is a woman!). The team gets into a fight because Kamala makes a call that Carol couldn’t—she was afraid to fail, again. Because Kamala looks up to Carol, she begins to blame herself for all the things. This leads to Carol revealing her darkest hurt and fear and is the most vulnerable she’s ever been, allowing her team to know how broken she feels.
This particular mask she wears, the Annihilator, is the one version of herself she never wanted people to see. Monica, now understands why she never wanted to return to Earth but says, “Carol, that’s not how family works. I never expected you to be the mighty Captain Marvel. I just wanted you. My aunt (1:09:00).”
Carol is moved and relieved and glad both women are there. Kamala then apologizes for coming on too strong when first meeting Carol and acknowledges she did not give space for Carol to be a real person.
As with most superhero movies, they move on quickly from the emotional and relational business to win the battle. They form a plan, listen to each other, use each strengths, and trust each other. In the end, they win but lose something they love. Carol learns she has the strength to fix what she broke so many years ago.
No more fear and anger or masked emotions or personas.
The movie ends with hope for good relationships and a safe planet.
Where do we go from here?
Being a people-pleaser in the world can be rough, especially when figuring out who can be a safe person as you learn to be your full self.
She discovers how she sees herself—through the lens of others, not who she actually is. She learns the value of seeking forgiveness and being forgiven.
You may be thinking, you said we would have fun. We watch movies to escape life. Why do we have to learn something from everything?
I don't think we have to always learn, but, actually, I kind of do. Whether it's learning to see beauty in creation, a life lesson from Marvel, or paying attention to all the things through our faith lens to see how God is moving. I think it makes us better critical thinkers and we are not just consumers.
So, what did I learn from Carol Danvers?
As a recovering people-pleaser, I need to continue to show up in my community. I can express how I feel, whether embarrassed, annoyed, or sad. If I look at this movie through my faith lens, I am reminded that I am not my own savior, I cannot walk through this life alone, and there is hope in and through trials.
How about you? Have you seen this movie or learned something from a recent movie or show?
